This isn't going to be one of my rants but rather a list of my favorite insults. (I know how much you all love my rants.) This list is in no specific order. These insults are definitely not your average school yard insults, but adult ones. Viewer discretion is advised.
1."Da Bog da ti zena rodila stonogu pa ceo zivot radio za cipele" an insult originating from Serbia; in English it translates to "May your wife give birth to a centipede so you have to work for shoes all your life" Fucking awesome right? This one is what actually made me want to form a list of my favorite insults. I really can't say this one since I live in a pretty developed country, but I thought I put it up there anyway
2."Sa-mi bagi mana-n cur si sa-mi faci laba la cacat" is an insult originating in Romania; in English this translates to "Stick your hand in my ass and jerk off with my shit" This one seems like it was randomly blurted out in a big knot of pure anger. I actually said this one in Wal-Mart and was escorted out by very strong men. Makes me laugh every time I say it.
3. "Cunt" One of my favorites of all time. If you say this in America though you get fucking shot. In England (Where I think this originated.) They say it like nothing.
4."Fuck you in the asshole of a twelve year old goat with a prolapsed rectum." I actually made this one up, and I sort of regret it. This is shit is the type of vulgarity teenagers make up. Not only did I have a victim that would suit this insult, but saying it made me sick. If you have a friend who practices bestiality, get a hard on for old goats, and likes prolapsed rectums not only do I recommend this insult, (that only seem to fit someone with that description.) but you should really get some new friends.
5. "When you were born the doctor said look there's a cunt coming out of the cunt of a cunt." Not only is this a major insult to the person to the person you said it to, but also an insult to the person's mother. (I don't include "Yo momma" jokes because those are fucking dumb.)This one was created by one of the funniest stand up comics named, Louis C.K. *Post Louis C.K video*
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0WQw9hO9Qlg Here's the address for the video.
I think Louis C.K will never have to use this, since he's fucking funny, but it is wise to always to have one ready.
6. "After meeting you, I've decided I am in favor of abortion in cases of incest." Ouch, that's all I can say for this one; this has got to hurt.
Got any? post it in the damn comments!
Saturday, March 6, 2010
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
I hated school.
I really didn't understand a lot when I was a kid, and by that I mean I was a complete dumbass. I was such a dumbass I didn't know that what the teachers were teaching me were a bunch of fucking lies. That really pisses me off. Now I know because of this extremely informative book called "Lies my teacher told me" Is there a better title? Now I strongly believe that you should never believe everything you read, so I checked the internet and all of the stories are true. They're fucking true! It's a strange feeling when you've been told something, and your whole life you believe it only to eventually learn that it's all false. Dirty fucking cunts. Now that I remember, the teacher who seemed to tell me the most lies was my eighth grade teacher, the biggest bitch in the world, Mrs.Cubberly. How she even got married is beyond me. She had the worst fucking mood swings of all time. I remember once a kid said, "Shit" and she was in her beast from hell mood and sent him to the principle's office. The next week, I kid you not, the next week a kid said "Fuck" and she was in her good mood so nothing happened to him. Actually the kid who said "Shit" was me. That bitch. That's not the worst she ever did to me though, once we were learning about that "Louis & Clark" shit and she told us we needed to write a 200 word paper as if we were travelers like Louis and Clark. I did, and I thought that it was fucking brilliant. But little did I know what I was in for when I wrote it. This happens to be what I wrote:
I was half-way in the woods when I finally realized all of this misfortune that has happened to me in no less than two hours. Or was it longer? The date is November eighth, 1774, and its freezing cold. If I don't find shelter soon, hypothermia will find its shelter in me. That unwelcoming jerk. Luckily I found a tent with what was possibly a native American's bow. I grabbed the bow, aimed it toward the the opening of the tent, and played the waiting game.
Now to remember how it all went down, first, I insulted the Red-Skin, I'm not exactly sure, but its probably because I called him a Red-Skin, this hurt him, bad. Second, the Red-Skin and all of his Red-Skin buddies killed my crew, and nearly killed me. Third, I'm really frustrated about his one since I forgot, but I know that that is the step were I got naked, probably, but why? To increase speed? That was probably it.
I heard rustling from outside, I pulled back on the bow harder than I have any bow. My heart was throbbing. The tent door opened, and without looking I shot the bow. I had no idea who I shot, so I looked outside where the body lay. Who did I shoot? A woman an her beautiful daughter. Well at least the woman, she was so pretty and I killed her, bow to her heart. Her daughter had a bow through her arm. What was I to do? Looking back I hate myself, but a baby with no mother is pointless. I crushed her skull in with my foot. By the time you've read all of this you would have known why I killed myself.
Goodbye, Everyone.
: You're probably asking yourself 'Why the hell does he still have that?' my therapist says I need it. I know its pretty dark and all, but that's how it was. Dark and terribly depressing. What did she do? She sent me to the counselor, in my definition a fake therapist, were I told her, "No offense to you or your work, but I really don't want to talk." She took this as if I was suicidal at the point. I swear people don't understand psychology, even the people who major in it. So they told my parents who didn't, and still don't understand me to take me to see "professional help" So the counselor wasn't a professional? She was just some sweet talking lady who says she's a counselor, but doesn't even know anything about counseling? Fucking school man, pisses me off. Like my dad how says he cares about me, but never really understands what the fuck is going on.That therapist was a pretenses asshole too so I just sat there and didn't talk, do after a long ass fucking argument with my dad and some fighting we didn't see him again. I don't know why I took his advice for keeping the paper, but I just did. For the rest of that year she never even talked to me. She even tried to get me out of her class. What a bitch! Do any of you have a story like that? post it in the damn comments. I would really like some comments. please?
I was half-way in the woods when I finally realized all of this misfortune that has happened to me in no less than two hours. Or was it longer? The date is November eighth, 1774, and its freezing cold. If I don't find shelter soon, hypothermia will find its shelter in me. That unwelcoming jerk. Luckily I found a tent with what was possibly a native American's bow. I grabbed the bow, aimed it toward the the opening of the tent, and played the waiting game.
Now to remember how it all went down, first, I insulted the Red-Skin, I'm not exactly sure, but its probably because I called him a Red-Skin, this hurt him, bad. Second, the Red-Skin and all of his Red-Skin buddies killed my crew, and nearly killed me. Third, I'm really frustrated about his one since I forgot, but I know that that is the step were I got naked, probably, but why? To increase speed? That was probably it.
I heard rustling from outside, I pulled back on the bow harder than I have any bow. My heart was throbbing. The tent door opened, and without looking I shot the bow. I had no idea who I shot, so I looked outside where the body lay. Who did I shoot? A woman an her beautiful daughter. Well at least the woman, she was so pretty and I killed her, bow to her heart. Her daughter had a bow through her arm. What was I to do? Looking back I hate myself, but a baby with no mother is pointless. I crushed her skull in with my foot. By the time you've read all of this you would have known why I killed myself.
Goodbye, Everyone.
: You're probably asking yourself 'Why the hell does he still have that?' my therapist says I need it. I know its pretty dark and all, but that's how it was. Dark and terribly depressing. What did she do? She sent me to the counselor, in my definition a fake therapist, were I told her, "No offense to you or your work, but I really don't want to talk." She took this as if I was suicidal at the point. I swear people don't understand psychology, even the people who major in it. So they told my parents who didn't, and still don't understand me to take me to see "professional help" So the counselor wasn't a professional? She was just some sweet talking lady who says she's a counselor, but doesn't even know anything about counseling? Fucking school man, pisses me off. Like my dad how says he cares about me, but never really understands what the fuck is going on.That therapist was a pretenses asshole too so I just sat there and didn't talk, do after a long ass fucking argument with my dad and some fighting we didn't see him again. I don't know why I took his advice for keeping the paper, but I just did. For the rest of that year she never even talked to me. She even tried to get me out of her class. What a bitch! Do any of you have a story like that? post it in the damn comments. I would really like some comments. please?
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