Sunday, January 31, 2010
The new vampire thing.
Every single little teenage girl seems to be holding one of the "Twilight" books were ever she goes. What the fuck right? I mean it must be good to some extent. Honestly I couldn't get past reading a positive review about the book so there is no way I could read even one chapter. Just from the review I got what it was pretty much about though, some girl likes this dude who is really a vampire, and they do shit or something. Now I believe that vampires should in no way be romantic. I've seen the original Nosferatu, and holy shit balls it scares me still today. Not some fucking albino dude with a six pack, that's some pussy ass shit. Then what do you know, everybody sees this opportunity to bring in the lamest collection of vampires ever. Luckily though there is actually one good one, it is a Swedish film called, "Let the right one in." Now if you can get past the silly name, and if you like subtitles (Me I can't watch any movie without subtitles.) I assure you, you will love it. It was even a book before, which was even better than the movie. (This can be said in many cases.) I will admit though it is kind of romantic, but if you look really hard and deep into the movie you'll understand. And if you don't, the ass kicking will make up for that. And if that doesn't contact me, and my ass kicking will make you like this beautiful work of cinema.
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Reasons why wall-e sucked.
I was baby sitting some kids for some extra money, and the parents, which were those parents that wanted one of those "Romantic night outs" And trust a complete stranger to watch their kids, (Which I never got.) said to take "good care" of our children. I already am, I don't neglect them and go out on fancy excursions, I never would let my children watch shitty movies like yours do. I wanted to say that but instead I said, "certainly." and they were off to were ever people like them go.(Rich fuckers.) All was going well, then the kids asked for a movie to go to sleep, now I don't mean to cause nostalgic feelings, or a grandpa speech for some, but when I was a kid I always wanted my parents read books to me in order to make me go to sleep.I didn't want to give them the grandpa speech so I went to help them pick out a movie. Lots of shit movies were in there, except for one which was "The lion king." other then censoring Shakespeare the film was possible my favorite Pixar film. I said, "we should watch this." but the kids were not even considering my genius idea. They all whispered into each others ears, (There were three of them, and they didn't want to talk to me.) and held up a movie called, "Wall-e" how bad could it be? I had actually heard good things about it. I regret ever watching that god awful movie. Why? This is why:
1. The music. I don't hate old music or anything, but they just had to choose the shittiest old music ever. Also they're in the future. THE FUCKING FUTURE! Why are the listening to old music? That's like driving a Flintstones' car in star wars.
2. The fact that robots had emotions. They're from the future and basically every sci-fi film from back in the day strictly forbids for robots to have emotions. Why would they even think that it would be a good idea to give them emotions? They listen to the old music, but they don't watch the movies.
3. How did the people even reproduce? They were fat as fuck, and had to rely on chairs to move their lazy asses around. Was there a special function on the chair that allowed for sexual intercourse?
4. I know this probably was never, considered since this movie was made for dumb ass kids who don't question a movie, even thought they got this part a little bit right the gravity on the space ship would most likely not support their bones, and since they're are lazy ass chair riders, they couldn't exercise. They say that their bones were small, but as long as they were on that ship and how little they moved, they shouldn't have had any bones at all.
5. The ending was just a, "Lets see how we can make this movie seem more stupid than it already is" kind of ending. honestly the ending was just a fucking stupid. So as I said before those lazy asshole chair riding pieces should have no bones. But they walk out of the ship like it was no big deal. Even if they had bones like the movie stated they would just snap like a toothpick. Aside from that they're just going to rely on one little plant to feed a whole large group of fat asses. One plant! They all died! There will be no sequel at least.
:The kids were asleep at the end and I was done. I turned off the rolling credits, got out my book, and read until the parents came to give me 20$, I really feel like I deserved a lot more than that for having to sit through that, what people call movie. I really wasn't in no mood to argue, I was in more of a mood to crack my skull open an just erase all the memory in my head as if it were a teenagers computer. I grabbed the twenty, went home, cried in the shower, and decided to write about that shit experience I had.
1. The music. I don't hate old music or anything, but they just had to choose the shittiest old music ever. Also they're in the future. THE FUCKING FUTURE! Why are the listening to old music? That's like driving a Flintstones' car in star wars.
2. The fact that robots had emotions. They're from the future and basically every sci-fi film from back in the day strictly forbids for robots to have emotions. Why would they even think that it would be a good idea to give them emotions? They listen to the old music, but they don't watch the movies.
3. How did the people even reproduce? They were fat as fuck, and had to rely on chairs to move their lazy asses around. Was there a special function on the chair that allowed for sexual intercourse?
4. I know this probably was never, considered since this movie was made for dumb ass kids who don't question a movie, even thought they got this part a little bit right the gravity on the space ship would most likely not support their bones, and since they're are lazy ass chair riders, they couldn't exercise. They say that their bones were small, but as long as they were on that ship and how little they moved, they shouldn't have had any bones at all.
5. The ending was just a, "Lets see how we can make this movie seem more stupid than it already is" kind of ending. honestly the ending was just a fucking stupid. So as I said before those lazy asshole chair riding pieces should have no bones. But they walk out of the ship like it was no big deal. Even if they had bones like the movie stated they would just snap like a toothpick. Aside from that they're just going to rely on one little plant to feed a whole large group of fat asses. One plant! They all died! There will be no sequel at least.
:The kids were asleep at the end and I was done. I turned off the rolling credits, got out my book, and read until the parents came to give me 20$, I really feel like I deserved a lot more than that for having to sit through that, what people call movie. I really wasn't in no mood to argue, I was in more of a mood to crack my skull open an just erase all the memory in my head as if it were a teenagers computer. I grabbed the twenty, went home, cried in the shower, and decided to write about that shit experience I had.
the meaning of life
Everybody has, is, or will question life, but no one really knows. people ask me "funk master what's the meaning of life?"(Yes that is my actual nickname I earned it from being the funkiest mother fucker alive.) I have been thinking about this for a while now and I think that I've finally come up with an acceptable answer, other than the family, love, and happiness bullshit.
The meaning of life is *Drum roll* the antonym of life. Now I know what you're thinking, "Wow that's pretty morbid." or, "He must be depressed." or maybe even, "How does that even answer anything?" but the more I think about it the more it makes sense. We all live this long and degrading life, buy our fancy cars, houses, boats, and raise families and the cycle continues through out. But why do we do it? So that one day we can hopefully reach pure happiness and ecstasy. Like we're going to get that with life. Some people do drugs to do reach a point of happiness and ecstasy, and realize that, depending on what drugs they take, that the best high is death. (In case you didn't know that was a line from "A panic in needle park" starring Al Pacino.) Do you have a theory? Please tell me. Also don't be a smart ass and say, "42"
The meaning of life is *Drum roll* the antonym of life. Now I know what you're thinking, "Wow that's pretty morbid." or, "He must be depressed." or maybe even, "How does that even answer anything?" but the more I think about it the more it makes sense. We all live this long and degrading life, buy our fancy cars, houses, boats, and raise families and the cycle continues through out. But why do we do it? So that one day we can hopefully reach pure happiness and ecstasy. Like we're going to get that with life. Some people do drugs to do reach a point of happiness and ecstasy, and realize that, depending on what drugs they take, that the best high is death. (In case you didn't know that was a line from "A panic in needle park" starring Al Pacino.) Do you have a theory? Please tell me. Also don't be a smart ass and say, "42"
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